On repeat
Have you ever played a song on repeat, only to realise that while you urge to move to the next one, you somehow cannot stop? Or, instead of exploring a new album, you default to your favorite playlist? Wait, did I just define what it means to be human?
THINK. I am fascinated by borderlines and how taking a few more steps can take one to another domain: a country, a social group, an addiction. It is very often we discover these were too many steps after we have walked it. Benefit of hindsight is a sheer irony in such case, it seems.
On recent weekend, I was driving through the countryside. A road sign caught my attention. 'Tiredness kills'. Huh. We all know that.
Fast forward a few hours, I am watching a couple final episodes of 'Sandman'. It hits me hard when I am pulled right into my Lord Morpheus loop. Spoiler alert: the King of Dreams decides to end his not-so-endless existence and give in to his sister, Death. While he starts from 'I still have my obligations' and 'I will not let anyone else suffer', he concludes with 'I am very tired'. And he finally lets go. But not without ensuring succession and looking after his subjects.
Why are we caught in the loops of repeated behavior? We all know what the signs mean and yet, either fail to notice, or consciously disregard. Is it a secret of our personalities and schemas that we risk crashing into the ground, only to be saved by last minute maneuver?
On thing is for sure; once one is stuck in a loop, it's the significant others that have power to derail you out of it. In the most positive sense.
FEEL. It is usually on vacation that I face a stark contrast between numbing myself into continuous loop of activity - and what my body and mind might need. I turned off all alarm clocks. I shamelessly napped during the day. Sometimes twice. Yet, I did not feel rested at all for the first few days. On the contrary, I felt even more exhausted.
In the beginning, I must admit I felt a little angry with myself. My inner critic whispered, 'now that you took annual leave, why can't you rest more efficiently?'. Or 'the clock will run out and you wouldn't have done all the things you planned to'. I know you can all see the trap here.
Allowing ourselves to take time, be unwell, slow down, are not signs of weakness. It merely proves we seek connection with inner truths, not silencing them with restlessness, adrenaline, or empty self-promises of 'tomorrowland'.
What the pain of falling into relaxation (sic!) taught me this time is to rely more on others for warning signals.
DO. If you ever considered a tattoo with a sentence or meaningful abbreviation, what would it be? If you are ready to share in comments, please do so. Otherwise, just reflect on it.
My morning runs or cycling rides are normally catalysts for some great insights. Breathing, steady effort, speed - after 20-30 minutes, it feels like meditation to me. My mind starts to wander and bumps into an idea or two, buried deep beneath 'must do's' and calendar items. This was when a thought struck me.
One of my tattoos could say 'SYMO'. Say Yes More Often.
Sounds like a paradox. Did I not express that I sometimes don't say 'no' enough? And what if both can be true?
On that note I embarked on a few trial missions. I began learning Portuguese. I completed my long overdue eyes screening and finally got new prescription glasses... and can finally see subtitles and read a book without squinting! I sniped a resell ticket on the day on Billie Eilish concert in Dublin and went to see her live (my wife and daughter were out of the country but still refused to talk to me for a while!).
It all seems so small, but if only we could find a better balance between saying no and saying yes to things!
