Into light

THINK. A good laugh cures many problems. I find it often works as an immunity potion, builds an armor of perspective and relaxation.

Even before we moved into Ireland, my wife discovered this outstanding Irish comedy group, Foil Arms & Hog. Their sketches helped us carry through the pandemic with more smile on our faces. We have seen them performing live 2 years ago and went to their new show again last week. They have a way of starting the show through interacting with random people in the audience through hilarious and light banter, and they later weave in elements of these conversations in their sketches.

Two obsessive thoughts were on my mind all the time. Most likely I would be absolutely mortified, frozen, ashamed to be one of the sketch props. A nightmare of thousand people watching me. Second, it is shocking what impact one might create by mastering bodily, face and voice expression.

It appears so easy, but the capacity for improvisation, thinking on one's feet and articulating it in a cohesive and funny way is a true art. Whether it's on stage, in a boardroom, at a family dinner table or in a public space, the ability to own the audience, control the narrative and express our needs and desires is priceless. 

Next step - an improv class?

FEEL. I feel I am not walking my own talk and do not say "no" frequently enough. The act of choosing (as opposed to drifting to follow somebody's expectation) is both intellectual and emotional, in similar measures. While the need for resistance to take a path somebody has laid out for us in their interest is rational, the very act of resisting comes from the heart. It takes courage to prioritize yourself over expectations of others. Even worse, these expectations might not even exist - it is how we imagine it. 

It made me wonder how much of decisions I feel I am making independently are bound to my own embedded anxieties and needs, rather than the opinions of others. Are we all slaves to approval, recognition, and external validation? Probably yes but is it not a definition of a social animal?

Stopping by to notice your gut feeling is normally the best way forward. The tingling emotion in your body is going to tell you where the boundary is. I felt that a couple of times last week, forced myself to choose "me" and... it felt so great in the end. Right after I went through a rabbit hole if imaginary consequences.

Practice daily acts of courage. And if it's hard, at least don't say "yes" right away!  

DO. With the weekend around the corner, I am making some plans. The first includes waking up ahead of dawn on Saturday. At 4:00am my daughter and I are joining thousands of others who are showing their support through Darkness into Light walk all over the country. Pieta, a foundation in Ireland, provides crisis support services to people who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, engage in self-harm and those bereaved by suicide. Pieta operate a 24/7 helpline and help spread awareness. It all starts from a simple idea that we are not alone with our distress.

Suicidal ideation is more common than we might think. Research says that on average every one in eight people experience suicidal thoughts during their lifetime. This is a blended number, but there are populations that are more exposed to the distress than others - adolescents, women, people suffering from mental disorders, trauma, chronic pain, or social and economic distress. If you are interested to read more, check out this article created by my AI research assistant based on peer reviewed journals in medicine, neuroscience and psychology.

The observation that struck me the most was that evidence shows that suicidal ideation is usually reduced in 80% to 90% of cases during the helpline conversation or even a text exchange with crisis helpline operators! Neuroimaging suggests that it is the supportive human connection that helps regulate emotional centers and reduce distress in the moment.

We often assume we know, but do we really? Waking up really early to see the sun rising over Marlay Park is one way of reminding myself to keep noticing and reaching out. Bringing others into light of life with you.

The power of (modern) family rituals

Today marks my 18 years with Dell Technologies. I have officially become of age! 

THINK. My first day in the company was in the Limerick site, that used to be a manufacturing plant. Little that I knew, I am now sitting on the other coast of the same country, Ireland, 18 years wiser, more grey hair, more kilograms (of wisdom, of course!), and filled with gratitude. If not for this company and number of roles I was privileged to play, I would have never met so many amazing people.

It does sound cliche, but it really is the relationships and experiences that made it an enriching journey.

There is no denying that I have changed as a person is result of my work experiences. I moved from local operations to multi-country, multi-culture, even multi-time zone regions. I travelled extensively. I was part of multiple development programs that all added both my IQ and EQ. I witnessed business and personal challenges, shaping the ability to stay calm amidst the storm and lift others up. Funnily enough, both my children were born during my Dell career so all they ever saw in context of my job was 'a beautiful work in silence' (as described by my boy, then 4-year-old).

The highlight of rewiring has been the resilient positivity I managed to instill in my being in much greater degree. Believe me, 18 years ago I have had much more anxious, pessimistic outlook on life. A lot of that, as we commonly recognize, comes from our upbringing. My professional career has been a positive (pun intended) catalyst of change. It all felt awkward in the beginning, nearly 'fake it till you make it' - so foreign, so itchy. Not anymore.

Would Caring Geek even exist if not for that journey? I feel grateful.

FEEL. An important moment in my family last night as well - after a year or so of casually watching an episode or two every other evening, we just finished watching the last season of 'Modern Family' comedy series. If you are not familiar with the story, all you need to know is that we follow an extended, 3-generation family over a decade (oh, spoiler alert - actually 4-generation!), through many ups and downs of their everyday lives. It matters less what qualities do the characters represent, or which social issues are being brought to the screen. 'Modern Family' is a celebration of connection, forgiveness, and everlasting power of rituals. As stereotypical as some situations appear, is this not because such is life?

Numerous times we used the plot to have a conversation about the issues at hand, what we would have done when facing similar situations, or how did we understand the motivations. A reasonably safe content (albeit I am sure people get cancelled for much milder jokes these days), it created an emotional sandbox. A nostalgia of final minutes made us well up a little - but is it not the whole point?

Humans get emotionally attached to other humans - at work, TV screen, social media. My favourite character is Phil, a dreamer, cheerleader dad, with all the awkward jokes, nerdiness and extraordinary talent for embarrassment - but a positive, emotional, caring person who is always there for others. Not a bad role model, huh?

DO. Having been notoriously terrible for taking leave and enjoying personal travels, I booked an important trip this morning! A friend of mine will be celebrating her birthday in style later this summer, and I want to get there to honour the golden occasion and reconnect with her and some other, long-time friends. Greece, here we come!

Today, I also bid farewell to another work friend, embarking on a life adventure with her family and leaving soon for a year-long trip in an RV! I admire her courage in deciding to substantially disrupt their status quo but have no doubt every team member is going to walk away with more self-confidence, resilience, and cultural awareness. Transformation is hard, but it is most often well worth it.

Here is to new adventures and celebrations of life!

Cheerleading and lines of resistance

How humans experience time is simply fascinating. You finally have a week to rest, and it flows by before you notice. You are on the waiting list for a medical procedure and every day feels like a torture. You walk on the beach, looking for a low tide to access a hidden spot - and a moment later the path is flooded, gone. Sometimes most of what we do is adjusting to things we do not control.

THINK. Imagining a future of our civilisation, mostly from standpoint of technology and human relationships, has been a pet peeve of mine for a while now. One of the reasons I was keen to read a book by an acclaimed Polish author, Jacek Dukaj. Published in 2010, 'Line of Resistance' ('Linia oporu'), is a somewhat scary story of what the world could turn into as a result of mass adoption of technology, and its impact on society, relationships, and a will to even act.

The world of tomorrow is split between minority of people still living within a frame of material, un-augmented reality, and most consumers of virtual (?) content. In the society where everything is so inexpensive and accessible, mobilising to even want anything becomes a major challenge. Like insects caught in thick glue, people need stronger and more extreme stimuli to react. At the same time, the relationships are fluid - each human being becomes a center of their own constellation, shaped by the most current engagement models and interests. Nation-states are no longer relevant - they are replaced by corporations, associations, opt-in 'families' and groups formed to accomplish a particular mission. The common thing they share is a play. 

According to one definition, playing games is a voluntary effort to overcoming unnecessary obstacles. In this world, the line of resistance becomes a sole life force. Its designers, shared play content creators, world-makers, aim to construct the most immersive, compelling, even addictive virtual identities people would assume and stay in... with overwhelming lack of will and no necessity to address material reality, shocking oneself above the flatline of boredom is a new meaning of life. Somewhat terrifying?  

The novel is a demanding read given its narrative - stream of consciousness alike, frenetic, as if the main character was flipping TV channels at high pace, while scrolling social media and riding a flurry of internet links that lead from one aspect to another. In a way, it so feels like what we are subjecting our minds at present.  

FEEL. I took a week off work and travelled with my family. In a high-paced life, it takes a good few days to even start feeling I am on holiday, and it is nearly finished!

It brough me back to one of my favourite philosophical treaties of all time... a 30-page children's book we used to read to our kids when they were very young, by Gunilla Bergstrom. The main character of the series, a few-years-old boy Albert (or Alfie in English version, or Alfons in Swedish original), leads an apparently ordinary life with his father and grandmother in 1980's. In the book about his birthday, a day after Albert complains that he wished every day was equally unique, exciting, full of extraordinary plays, gifts and moments of attention pointed exclusively at him. His grandmother in her wisdom explains the obvious - if every day was as special as birthday, no day would.

This simple truth applies to most of aspects of life. We often get lost in seeking uniqueness and miss the joy of everyday experiences. We live in anticipation of the future and ignore the 'here and now'. We drain mental powers reliving the events of the past that we can no longer change. Finally, in the over-stimulated world, the bar continuously moves up to the highest of recent thrills. A next birthday is always expected tomorrow.  

Changing rhythms, letting your body and mind release the tension and slow down the pace of life is an indispensable part of experiencing vacation. It hurts a little at the beginning. I felt uneasy, thrown out of balance, fatigued, sleepy. But this is part of the process and I got to so much better place now. Wish we didn't need to leave Portugal tomorrow!

DO. Sometimes all one needs is to receive a random act of kindness. I was recently nominated to an award in my organization by one of my team members who recently progressed his career and moved on. The recognition came through and I was delighted to read a paragraph about 'Out of this world leader'. In my professional life, these are the moments that matter. Making a positive, meaningful impact of people's lives is my mission, and I could not be happier to see this playing out for this amazing individual.

In spirit of trying new things, I followed a recommendation from another colleague of mine at work and had my first ever Pilates session, outdoors in the sun. A few takeaways: (1) yes, working out from YouTube videos is absolutely possible, (2) I was aware of most of the exercises, but it was the 30-minutes combination of all that made a difference and (3) I never realized I even had muscles that could hurt that much! 

With a week just gone by, our last act of the stay is to digitize a board game that my son and his friend designed and created in analog version over the last few days. Members of both families were beta-testing and helping fine tune the work of two 12-year-olds! The 'line of resistance' proved to be nicely drawn, and it created a lot of friendly banter and engagement. Maybe one day it will be an origin story of their life's mission?

I will be cheering for them. This is what I do.

Ghosts on the Shore

How are bonds being formed and forged? Where is the infliction point between inertia of relationships, and true, mutual emotional investment? And who bears the duty of offering up one's heart, at all costs?

THINK. Every now and then, I come across a book that I cannot fully comprehend or deconstruct, yet it has this mesmerizing effect. Half nostalgic, half spiritual. I devour chapters knowing I will not be able to fully understand motivations of the character, not intricacies of the plot. But most possibly the experience is bound to accepting mystery, lack of completeness, rather than certainty?

Haruki Murakami's 'Kafka on the Shore' is one of these novels. Written in between two sets of characters, it pivots between reality, memory and dream; childhood and adulthood. Kafka Tamura, a 15-year-old boy who escaped home to untangle the mysterious disappearance of his mother and sister, seems to be travelling to a safe harbour of private library. Nakata, an intellectually challenged elderly man who talks to cats, a victim of mysterious (extra-terrestrial?) incident, travels to meet his destiny, a feeling he cannot even explain. They both meet a range of characters on their way, each aiding their mission in their own, peculiar ways.

Does this even matter what happen at the clearing? Who were the guardians of the forest? Was the girl in library a dream, an illusion, a ghost from the past? And who killed the artist? I was hoping to get some answers but half-way through I already knew they aren't coming. Now I believe it is for the best.

We often get so stuck in our rational paradigms and expectations that we overlook the wonders in plain sight.

FEEL. Books have been an important part of my life. A random memory hit me earlier in the week. The year is 1990, communist system has just collapsed in all of Central & Eastern Europe, any my country overnight opened to free market economy. That included publishing, translations, and common access to modern literature.

My father was travelling for work, and I can recall how, multiple times, he came home carrying a freshly printed book for me. Not that I can recall any titles anymore - but it mattered how it became our little ritual.

Access to the Western World also meant cable networks, MTV, NBA, soda drinks, denim, and tracksuits. Some of my photos from that age are simply too embarrassing to be unseen, so I would spare the reader the trauma of it. What also arrived amidst the wave of western culture were Marvel and DC comics.

Imagine there are only four or five titles published every month. Imagination is sparking at pace when you are a twelve-year-old and you lay your hands on these issues. The world was all grey, clouded, and dull, and suddenly colours exploded and you have been teleported right into the middle of New York City, Gotham, or planet Krypton. My school's best friend and I spent all our allowances (and tons of time) reading every issue backwards and forwards. It became one more thread that knit our friendship together.

It is fascinating how we connect and bond over fiction yet find it difficult to work through everyday reality of a relation. More elusive than ghosts on the shore.

DO. Isn't it hilarious that I, preacher of consistency, am recently absorbing the impact of utterly inconsistent behavior?

Sparing details, I feel I am ready to drink my own Kool-Aid and take better care of my health, one step at a time. Starting from chronic back pains. If you sit most of the day with your hands on keyboard, drive long distance, or have been an active sportsperson, you certainly know what I mean. I am amazed how human beings nearly need to trick themselves into doing what's right though!

We are going away for a few days as a family which could be my shot at slower pace, more reflection and exploration. I definitely have things to work through - but so does every one of us.

Admiration, horror and sunlit cherry trees

Can one even call presence in 2025 without commenting on 'Adolescence'? 

THINK. Whether you are a culture eater (me), a film critic with a diploma (also me), a concerned parent (yes, me too) or a self-educated life coach (yeah...), you must simply watch the series. Sit at the edge of your sit and ingest every detail. And then think. A lot.

It is difficult to witness how people's lives collapse in slow motion. Not a documentary by any means and not based on true events (?), 'Adolescence' stitches together a patchwork of experiences that we hear about every day in media, social media or in our social circles. Loneliness, misogyny, bullying (cyber and IRL), screen addiction or seemingly unsolvable generational differences. It all rings true, yet we calm ourselves with a thought there is a transparent, but solid wall between us and that world.

Well, there is no wall.

A lot has been said about the cinematography - single, one hour long take, following characters through interactions and location changes. A true masterpiece from the perspective of film-making art. What struck me though was how immersed and believable the actors have been. Living through the emotions of their characters to the point of becoming them. 

'I think it is okay for us to think we should have done more' says the mother, trying to reconcile the guilt and despair at their post-innocence moment. The horror of losing her son to a set of beliefs that led to the killing is undeniably linked to the current concepts of masculinity. The online gurus of manosphere are preying on lost boys, shaping their beliefs and behaviors by providing simple explanations behind the complex, societal processes. Like in any polarizing movement, it becomes a story of 'us and them', creating zero sum game of the dominating and the dominated. It not only leads to encouragement of bad behaviors, but it provides upfront grace for lack of empathy, respect, and manners.

I cannot help but notice how polarized masculinity has become in the recent decade or so - it tends to either be 'toxic', or 'feminine-like'. Like there was no middle ground, no positive masculinity mode. What does it mean to be a man today? 

FEEL. I think about autism not only on World Autism Day. Both my children have friends who are autistic. When you think about it and are paying attention, there are traces of neurodivergence in many people we interact every day.

Important to repeat that autism is not a mental illness; it is a neurodevelopmental condition. Thankfully (or hopefully), we are past the stigma. People with autism are becoming increasingly more integrated in schools, places of work or public spaces. But as much as they strive to self-regulate, so should the rest of us.

I deeply admire caregivers, who decide to dedicate their resources - energy, dedication, patience, funds - to create conditions to not only get by, but thrive and unearth the inspiring talents of autistic people. In the noisy, fast world we are living in, it becomes a counter course, but the one worth the fight. Truly heroic. It is very humbling to talk to them and realize how much they tend to notice, how thoughtful and empathetic they are. Nearly as if they could slow down time and focus on the really important bits.

To all the heroes out there - you know who you are - keep on inspiring.

DO. Remember spontaneity? Rings the bell? How it helps you see things in a different light?

I was recently in London for an overnight stay. Busy days in a high-paced business tend to look all the same. What was my recipe to break the routine? Left the office 6:45pm after a long day. Did quick research on my phone while walking. Boarded London underground train 7:05pm. Got to the theatre 7:20pm. No luggage allowed in! Found luggage storage 5 minutes later at nearby station. Queued at the box office to buy a ticket. Sat in the audience and enjoyed 'Wicked. The Musical' at 7:35pm. This is an experience I will keep in mind for long. Feeling decisive, bold, energetic, deserving of fun.

To top it up, how do you turn accommodation hiccup into a positive experience? Find a decent-enough place to stay that is well connected with where you need to be the next morning but also located near a running or walking route. In my case, booking a hotel near Hyde Park allowed me to enjoy early morning run in the sun, and gather energy and momentum for the day. Made lemonade of lemons! Topped up with cherry trees in bloom.

With my wife's birthday coming at pace, I have some planning and preparation to do. We have been discovering how putting experiences ahead of a clutter of stuff creates sense of uniqueness. This is what I am aiming for. When I am successful, you will most certainly see a scenic photo or two in July!

The courage of presence

An eventful week makes me think about 42. This is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. I still have no clue why Supercomputer said that, but I am just powering through. Smile, tears, blessing and curse, all blended into one.

THINK. I sometimes get stage fright. Out of nowhere. After years of public speaking, it still happens. Feels like I cannot breathe. Chokingly, I push through, until it goes away. But is this a good strategy? Would it not be better to comprehend roots of one’s anxiety?

Very timely, I came across this interview. Even more timely, after 4 months of rehearsals, my daughter’s school musical has gone on stage. And I can’t help but think about presence.

On stage, in the office or in social situations, we all have some. It shapes how others perceive us, leads to real-life outcomes (or the lack of these), but most essentially, impacts our self-beliefs. Whether we like it or not, expression of body, the way we talk and project non-verbal signals, becomes the accelerator of our journey to life fulfilment. It could be that the ability to command situations and relationships through expressions of presence is the most important talent that nobody is realizing. And it is not innate. You just must discover your thing!

My daughter has found hers in dancing and singing. Front of stage, exhaling fully, wide eyed and present in every move, she clearly overcame her frights. Only she knows the emotional effort she had to make to emerge from a shyness to confidence - but the ‚charisma boost’ is clear not only to her loving parents. One more foundational strength in her arsenal!

FEEL. A cliche, page one of self-help book statement has us believing there is never too late to change, and that all that matters is what we decide to do today and tomorrow. Well, cliche or not, sounds compelling enough. Especially when I might need an extra layer of emotional armour soon.

A recent conversation with my wife made me reflect on courage and determination. Can one exist without the other? Can you be courageous on some fronts, and a coward on others? Is determination alone a recipe to grow courage through exposure and consistency? And how can we reinforce if through courageous behaviours? Have fear, but do things anyway, with fear?

We all need courage to stand up to an inner bully. A spot-on quote from Mark Twain, so neatly used by my colleague James Gibb, tells the entire story. ‚I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened’. I was struck by research claiming that close to half of our memories (or what we consider memories) aren’t even true!

Do a little test. Fast forward twenty years and recount your life. Would you really want to capture and relive all the suffering and stress? If not, create a simple cue in your head to switch on opposite behaviour every time you default to a negative memory. Hard, but totally possible!

DO. Keeping a promise I made to myself, I had two Days of Discovery. Immersed in a conference on bids and proposals management (#BPC.Dublin, #APMP), a professional area I am recently exploring, indeed I primed my mind to walk a very different path.

First of all, the humbleness of just sitting, listening, and receiving content helped me re-calibrate the role of learning. In a rush of a random day at work or with the families, it is hard to pause and reflect. A conference setting forces that pause.

Secondly, there is always a handful of new connections with inspiring people. In randomness on living on Earth with 8 billion human beings, I learnt to pay attention to the ones I am actually interacting with.

Finally, as my mind was wandering, empty as a whiteboard, I had a moment to reflect and refine my mission as Caring Geek. I help others shape the balance of thoughts, feelings and actions, in a way that enables positive outcomes.

It might be as simple as intellectual stimulation with the topics I am exploring. Encouragement to recognize and display feelings. Ideas and hints on interesting activities. I can feel it working. So, I will just keep going…

Hypnic jerk

Did you ever have a feeling of physically falling into abyss just when you are falling into sleep? It is called 'hypnic jerk'. In a state in-between, the body muscles begin to relax, and the brain falsely interprets it as true falling, and contracts the muscles in a protective response. We usually recognize we have been falling, and now we are not, and slide back into sleep.

The world in 2025 feels like a gigantic hypnic jerk to me. Here is why.

THINK. Among many reasons to play board games, I particularly enjoy the social element. Benign banter. Seeing aspects of one's friends' personalities that normally stay hidden - how they become combative, envious, hesitant, or careless. The play has at least two dimensions: how to adopt some best strategies within a game rulebook to win, and how to explore, test and finally, reinforce relationships. Well, that is when one is expecting a positive outcome.

'Settlers of Catan' has been that game for us for many years. A two-page set of rules. A good balance of strategy and randomness. The play centred around developing an empire in a zero-sum game. Ability to conduct negotiations, form alliances, make some strategic bets. All of that in a cloud of vivid chatter and friendly rivalry. And one more. The belief that when the game ends, world is back to centre point.

Acknowledging I am speaking from a point of privilege, it does not feel like the world we are living in right now. I don't think anyone still believes in Fukuyama's 'End of History', high moral grounds of democracies, or self-regulating, fair marketplace. Politics, the art of disguising personal powerplays as representation of rationality and merit, has never been free of manipulation, but with the instantaneous dissemination of headlines its collateral damage has grown exponentially. It so reminds me of a toddler who just learnt how to crawl. You literally cannot take eyes of them for few seconds, as you might as well find them chewing on a power cord or spilling bleach all over food. Sounds familiar?

As much as I try to contain worry over areas I don't control, I find it hard to grasp the dilemma of this 'gradual, and then sudden' serious of raptures: wars (not a new event), tariffs (happened before), economic distress (arguably the quality-of-life standards have never been better) or culture wars. Why this and why now?

In 'Settlers of Catan' players can choose to break the rules or even knock over the table. They may enjoy cruelties, inflict excessive stress on others, deny a perfectly reasonable proposal. What they leave in their wake are broken trust and damaged relationships. It only takes a moment to set the house on fire.

FEEL. Is reading purely an intellectual exercise or both heart and mind phenomenon? For some, every day is a world book day, and the answer really does not matter much. 

A recent mentoring conversation led me to why I read (fiction, not emails and news). It is a feeling of leaving my life and immersing in another world. It activates thoughts and feelings I might otherwise not come across, or even actively avoid. It breaks the patterns. Language conceives reality. Words make worlds.

There is a fine line between being curious of the narrative and being led by it. When I read fiction, I purposefully apply my curiosity of somebody else's emotional landscape, I stop and start again, the thoughts wander. I consume the range of threads left for me by an author, but by choice I allow myself for it. I am not consumed.

It strikes me how often what I remember about the story is not the settings and the plot, but how it made me feel.

DO. After a week of singlehandedly managing our household while my wife was away for work, I have rediscovered the power of rhythms. Once again, I also reflected on luck and privilege of a support ecosystem we have nurtured and reinforced as a family. I am convinced that is has given me both boost and a safety cushion, and that I would not be where I am without love and support from my partner.

The rhythms, small rituals we are all embracing, create another layer of togetherness. Our most recent favourite evening pastime is a comedy show 'Modern Family'. In addition to stress relief by laughter, one of the world's simplest and free treatments, we sometimes use it as a pretext to discuss emotions, relationships, and social context. Reflecting in the lives of others in a light setting is a great stepping stone to real conversations.

PS. Don't forget to tell people who are there to support you how grateful you are.

Gradually, and then suddenly

'Gradually, and then suddenly'. A quote recently frequently (over)used to describe how one can fall asleep behind the wheel, not noticing the direction things are sliding. It feels like a slow motion. It is all business as usual, until it doesn't.

THINK. Facing digital world most of the time, we often forget about the power of random encounters. When in London recently, my kids and I spent a decent time browsing through comic bookshops. There is always a hidden gem out there!

On the surface, 'NO/ONE' from Image Comics is a story alike many others. Present-times true crime story revolving around topics of corruption, accountability and political radicalization. Well written and illustrated. Believable characters. A lot of mystery and some action. But the true power of the story is its intertextuality. A reader gets a graphic novel that also leads them to a journalist documentary mock-up podcast, several audio and video files and newspaper articles. All fabricated, of course, same as the entire story of accountability murders. It is the combination of podcast, comic panels, articles and audio recordings that make it so immersive. 'In next town over' like.

The story made me think about fabrication of news. It nearly seemed like, with the variety of media channels, the credibility of the story grows exponentially. Source diversity and engaging audiences through different media formats might boost truthfulness index without changing a single fact. Well, if those are even facts.

In my head and hence in my writing, I often use 'zoom in to zoom out' frame. Singular, micro-observations become dots on a scattered pattern graph. 'NO/ONE' experience is no different. When you look close enough, the broader meaning starts radiating into the back of your mind. My wife and I just had a long chat about the role of critical thinking while walking the dogs. As usual, it started from our kids. But whether it's education, broadcasting messages through ever-evolving media channels, doing digital business or maintaining relationships, one truth remains. A red flag is a red flag. 

Anyone out there still arguing that comic books are for children?   

FEEL. I have not been feeling too well lately. A seasonal bug that just extended the stay for far too long, and crawls out from premises rather than be hastily marching away. Nothing dire.

It has been a good lesson of humbleness, though. I am so used to moving at pace, leaving little breathing room, that I am nearly enjoying the slippage. Nearly, as I am still annoyed with low energy levels. But I am trying to make my peace with it. On balance, I am amongst the most blessed people alive! So why does it take a situation like this to notice?

Psychologists would probably refer to a mechanism called 'habituation' to explain it. The response of one's nervous system decreases over time with repeated exposure to a stimulus. It is very telling that, in context of evolution, it was used to explain adaptation to stress and danger. In the present world, it equally relates to not noticing how well we are doing. We constantly move the bar up.

DO. I was recently asked to deliver a keynote presentation in a couple of months. A great ego boost, for sure, but also an obligation to make it matter. It got me energized and slightly frightened at once. Crafting the story, selecting the content, deciding on how to message, and finally delivering that message - it all carries so much weight. If only I could share that burden with someone! Oh, wait...

I must rethink my approach to trying and failing and asking for help along the way! So, in the spirit of making real changes to one's behaviours, I am already partnering with a non-organic intelligence to complete my research. But if you are open to help me on this journey, please get in touch. The topic is influencing others.

On which note, our daughter is currently studying for her exams. She colonized my home office and had no real appetite to move out! Also, all my family constantly occupy a recliner armchair I got to ease my lower back (doctor's orders). Any promising strategies to combat this type of habituation?

A Nexus and a long-forgotten freedom

When was the last time you spent 5 hours reading non-stop? Binge-watching a show about a vigilante avatar of an Egyptian god of the moon (yes, I am aware how it sounds)? Or baking a blueberry cake because I just wanted to?

If you are the same as me, probably when you were sick at home. Nearly guilt-free, detached from most of everyday routines and pushing yourself to be at ease with inferior productivity... or lack thereof. 

THINK. A book by Yuval Noah Harari was sitting at my desk since Christmas, a gift from our dear friends. The concept of Nexus applies to information is multiple ways. Nexus is a critical juncture that can amplify or dampen effects throughout interconnected networks. It is seen as a point of convergence where multiple variables or factors meet and interact. Small changes can lead to outsized effects. Vulnerability and opportunity are both sides of the same coin.

In no particular order, I noted the most thought-provoking facts, observations and opinions:

• The difference between Intelligence versus Conscience. We might be mistakenly assuming that conscience indispensable for intelligence. The latter is simply the ability to operate to attain some objectives. The former is linked to subjective feelings and awareness of being. Note that ChatGPT found a way to hire a human being to solve a CAPTCHA quiz by... lying to a man. Well, this is lying in human terms, but for algorithm it is simply a set of expressions used as means to an end.

• By now, it is undisputed that childhood traumas become engrained in our psyche and shape our life experiences. What if algorithmic training suffers from similar phenomena? And even more so, can these 'traumas' be replicated in the digital world? While machine learning process cannot be programmed, some of the initial assumptions can - even through the selection of training data.

• Is money any longer relevant as a measure in digital economy if 90%+ of services are free to use? Well, if these are free, then we are the product. In such sense, the data about us become for sale and/or a feed into algorithmic training.

• In spirit of history repeating itself, should we not take a closer look at colonialism, its rise, fall and aftermath, to establish better parameters for data colonialism? Are current definitions of revenue streams, taxation, and services even appropriate? 

• Identity is still defined through the lens of physical body. Will it remain, or will we move to a different definition of our digital selves? 

• Finally, is there a global consensus possible to tame the power of AI or will the world be further splitting into separate digital cocoons?  

There is hope, though. The systematic ability to detect and correct errors and mistakes remains our most effective measure, same as it has been throughout the history of mankind.

FEEL. An impromptu movie night at my household took us back in time. Given our daughter's dance passions, we often pick a musical or a dance movie. On Friday, we travelled to 2008: 'Step Up 2. The Streets'. A massive void between critics and moviegoers' ratings is likely the best evidence that this movie is not about the plot or depth of characters. It is all about emotions, expression of body and untameable energy. 

It was 11pm when the final credits were rolling in the screen. There couldn’t have been any confusion what the looks on our dogs' snouts meant. We still need a walk!

If somebody saw me then, pitch dark, light drizzle, dancingly moving through space of sidewalks and lawns of residential areas nearby, with two dogs on the lead and earbuds in my ears... well, let's just hope that my neighbours auto-erase their camera footage. Otherwise, 'a weird Dublin 6-ft tall dog walker in a black coat' could be the next viral video! PS. no animals were harmed...

For equally weird reasons, this experience triggered a memory of an ear-worm song. About this time of the year, 13 years ago, I went on a business trip to my US HQ office. Given flight schedule and time zone gap, I arrived with nearly a full day buffer, a Sunday in February. I think I have been between work, demands of my family with a young kid and another on the way, important house project and many others, and I felt there was no space for me and me only. That Sunday, I got up, got in a rental car, drove a hundred miles, enjoyed some shopping, coffee, lunch, and attended my lifelong dream of seeing an NBA game live in San Antonio.

The weather was wonderful. Texan sun, slight breeze. This song was on the radio probably every 30 minutes or so, truly hard to get it out of my head. But it did not matter. I was driving. I had a day to myself. I felt free.

Well, if you know what the song was, DM me. A little embarrassing but I promise to share! 

DO. This resting thing. I should do that more often!

The one in London, baby!

Experiencing the news of the last few weeks might feel like watching a bloopers reel. After a while, one no longer knows what was coincidental, erroneous, or quite intentional. What was done to press on boundaries, test response to novelty or to simply distract the other side. Are we all part of a massive social experiment? Is it all aimed at us simply stopping to care?

THINK. I am re-discovering the power of storytelling. For reasons too elaborate to explain here, my family and I spent most of the week in London. Time off. Pure leisure. Ingesting the city. Assorted range of experiences. 

Inspired by her history teacher, my daughter and I went to visit the Imperial War Museum. As much as it has been a humbling lesson on the crushing power of warfare, it also made us reflect on fragility of narratives. There must have been opposing truths that led to various escalations. There was a range of underlying circumstances that  amplified the differences rather than sought reconciliation. Finally, the broad spectrum of consequences may have led to even bigger grudge, bitterness and eventually, retribution. Are humans predetermined to fight for power?

Reviewing 8 centuries of English history through the lenses of the Tower of London has been equally interesting experience, but from a completely different angle. Putting aside the grim caravan of beheadings and ruthless political plays, the way to integrate these stories was through a picturesque and witty narrative by one of the Yeoman Wardens. A fine example that it is not only the story itself, but how it is told, that creates a lasting impression.  

Finally, we got even more immersed in the thrill of storytelling by means of an escape room experience. Uniquely London-esque, for 90 minutes we have become agents of the Network and worked alongside Sherlock Holmes and his brother, facing their nemesis, James Moriarty. Through making decisions to discover how the story is unfolding, or facing consequences of choices under time pressure, the narrative was felt and lived. Expressed in the bodily experience, not only intellectually. I must admit my daughter, with her acting passions, was far quicker to embrace it and get into character. We are still discussing the plot and ended up getting a riddle book at 221b Baker Street.

What a blessing to see through the WHAT, notice the HOW and experience ME being part of the story! 

FEEL. Nearly all of us yearn connections. We project our thoughts and feelings onto others, seeking similarities, validation, and graceful acceptance. Sometimes, we end up relating to fictional characters, imaginary friends, and superheroes. 

We have watched 'Friends' on multiple stages of our lives, including more recently with our children (no judging or cancelling, please!). With all its imperfections, the series exudes warmth, energy, and humour. Set in 1990s and early 2000s, it also described the reality my wife and I witnessed coming of age and getting into adulthood (we are a few years behind the characters). In so many ways, this is a context that our children cannot relate to. Yet, there are so many other universal pivots of the story, making it truly easy to connect.

Visiting 'The Friends Experience' has been utterly and positively nostalgic. I think its greatest power lies in recreating physical space exactly alike a film set, where we can all feel like heroes of our own episode, even for a brief moment. It transcends the line between fiction and our everyday experience, creating a path into the familiar world of fantasy. It feels safe, as we all know how it ends, and that it ends well. 

And the world would be so empty without the Holiday Armadillo!

DO. Experiencing novelty does not need to be dramatic. Sometimes all it takes is to take a double-decker bus in the rain, travel to unknown part of the city, just to find a hidden gem of a trading card game shop, filled with alike geeks. It is finding a lunch place serving some hot soup with hundreds of fictional characters painted all over the walls. Browse through endless shelves with graphic novels I had no idea existed. Sitting in the office lobby to read the book and get warmer.

Since this is the part of the journal I am putting on my action-figure costume, I am finally ready to commit to a Day of Discovery. Simple rule - spend one day in a month doing something... very different. 

The above was all based on my individual perception of what novelty does to me. But I did not want to preach and generalize outside of a context of some peer-reviewed academic research. I also did promise myself to explore use cases for the use of large language models so... I hired a research assistant. 

If you want to read through a compelling, AI-generated recap, follow my Instagram profile. Here is a few things I remembered: novel experiences, served periodically (and even in small doses), help build enhanced stress management, problem solving skills and cognitive functions. When experienced with other people, it forges relationships through better connectedness and increased feeling of understanding.

I truly needed that week to be exactly as it was. 

A Matrix moment: appreciating and changing mountains

Did you ever have a 'Matrix moment' in your life? A bugging thought at the back of your mind that you live in a simulacrum, and what one perceives to be a reality, is how our brain is fooled by... Well, fill the blanks depending on the technology utopia you are into.

Exactly that happened to me this weekend. Exploring new running routes in Dublin, I was ingesting podcasts. Then, realized that the same expression was used in three different episodes by three different podcasters, in a slightly, but not very distant context. It felt nearly as somebody - or something - weaved the intellectual fabric I am exposed to, to reinforce my beliefs, attach me to my interests even more, and not the least - keep me looking for more.  

'Pull the rug from under one's feet' was the expression. This was somewhat how I felt!

THINK. Human brain is a thing of beauty. Metaphorically speaking, of course. The sheer number of thoughts and ideas that one can have, all succeeding in a lightning speed, is scary. It so reminds me a tour into an amusement park; there are so many rides, shops and attractions that we struggle to choose. Instead, we simply let the experiences overflow, hoping we would distill the essence when it's finished.  

I am taking such ride into the podcasting world every now and then. Many things on my mind, but last week it has been difficult to ignore the emergence of DeepSeek, a Chinese AI startup that released a 'ChatGPT-like' service at allegedly fraction of a cost to train and operate these Large Language Models. As the world economy is transforming at pace to increasingly fueled by algorithmic productivity, key actors in that field are likely to shape world's politics, define the future of work and, ultimately, the values that we would be living by. Many refer to it as a current race to the moon, between Silicon Valley and Chinese tech ecosystem. The race is on steroids, though, and the moon sits in our pockets and at our desks.

It is so much easier to focus on concerns and challenges, as they are right in front of our eyes. So much harder to balance with possibilities as those are vague, unquantified, hard to even verbalize. I am both fascinated and scared with the idea of algorithmic agents and agentic economy. On one hand, removing loads of mundane activity humans do, on the other - imagining how they swarm cyber defense mechanisms or alter perception of real events through social media.

Also, what role will we be playing when most of white-collar activity could be delivered at fraction of cost and in no time? How do we strike the balance between utopia and its opposite?

FEEL. Being a parent, I inevitably feel anxious. Part of human condition, we care about the future of our offspring. In a relatively stable environment, we tend to think our children need some incremental tweaks to how our lives have unfolded, to become a better versions of ourselves. But what if a quantum leap ahead would teleport them to a completely different universe? Where our guiding posts no longer describe the landscape?

Looking back at my choices, I can notice the role of fear. A fear of failure and a fear of financial insecurity. I had a moment of absolute clarity while tuning into a the conversation between Steven Bartlett and Daniel Priestly: while I utterly appreciate the mountain I am on, I feel it is time to change the mountain. It is never too late to rethink the value we can supply.

I am planning to travel more with my family this year. The nearest is just a few days away. I deeply believe that the diversity of experiences, random exploration and facing novelty are helping us understand what place in the world are we looking for. I feel so blessed to be able to provide it to my kids. And you can't go wrong combining Sherlock Holmes, West End musicals and search for Pokemons!

DO. My January has been dry without any particular commitment, so February will be... AI. I have fallen into the trap of talking about non-human intelligence without really trying and testing. Beyond occasional use of Copilot or ChatGPT as an enhanced search engine, and some image generation, I have tested little use cases.

So throughout this month, I will be exploring different applications and tools. I pride myself for writing every single sentence of my journals on my own. Inevitably, I wanted to test how good technology has become to produce writing drafts. Spoiler alert: it is already pretty good! Read more on Instagram or CaringGeek.com. 

The long game(s)

THINK. If you have not heard about Mark Zuckerberg's video statement on changes to Facebook content moderation policies, tell me which rock you are hiding under (and I might as well get there!). In the world of attention economy, this message probably beat all outreach records and triggered an avalanche of opinions. 

I am not going to argue any side of the moral opposition. I think by now the audience is aware of my point of view. A business model where profits are linear (or exponential) to duration of screen time, amplified by engagement, that in turn is enhanced by aggravating, often negative or anxiety-ridden content, all managed by algorithms that are seemingly outside of an organization's control, is deeply concerning. In case you have not noticed, we are already receiving a tailored version of reality via various technology platforms, filtered to best match our beliefs, values and interests. Or somebody else's? Sometimes all it takes is to hear an interpretation of a fact that you would assume does not need any interpretations as it is completely objective, provided by an opposing side of the political aisle. Shocking how truth is no longer singular.

It is the global geopolitical impact of tech business that are simply concerning. I was recently asked to lead a session for a development program participants, where we debated the understanding, application and risks connected to the emergence of AI. While browsing for some stimulating content, I came across a panel with Yuval Noah Harari and Mustafa Suleyman, discussing the 'new digital species'. One aspect, Harari argued, that is different than any other prior transformative revolution is that AI can possibly gain agency, and therefore disassociate from the intentions of its creators. With insufficient oversight or on purpose, the digital species can, for example, choose to generate millions of universes where we will be exposed to tailored versions of truth, served ahead of demand. Sounds like some gloomy, utopian scaremongering? Well, at least I want to believe it makes us consciously consider the options. Or at least comprehend those.

FEEL. As the world has become fast-paced, so did the movie narratives. Erratic editing, cutovers and split screens, bathed in whirlwind of colours and music clips. Short-form video attention grabbing techniques, but now two-hour long.

In that context, the show 'Ripley' is a rare treat. 8 episodes filmed in black and white, carefully paced, is based on a 1955' novel by Patricia Highsmith, adapted for the screen in 1999. It tells a story of Tom Ripley, a near-perfect... nobody? From small time frauds and apparent loneliness, Ripley seizes a random opportunity to help convince a rich and privileged American in Italy to come back home, a task commissioned by the father. It is fascinating to watch how Ripley seamlessly maneuvers into the high-life and, equally effortlessly, becomes the main character (pun intended!). The book and the series are tagged as psychological thrillers for a reason!

If you recall what an impostor syndrome is, Ripley has absolutely none of it. His ability to inject his presence in the most benign way, read the situation and manipulate others to thinking and/or feeling in the way that best suits his plans, is next to none. A social chameleon, Ripley appears to be lacking empathy and has absolutely no remorse. He gracefully falls into deeper ties with crime, yet seems to carry no moral burden. As if he was playing a board game and happened to decipher the sequence of moves leading to success. As if none of it truly mattered.

Our minds play a confirmation bias trick where we actually want to find evidence supporting what we already believe in anyway. A beautiful, black and white cinematography is a great reminder to always stop and look into circumstances that simply seem either to good to be true, or too improbable, despite all covers. Humans normally have a decent sense of threat!

DO. Comic conventions are our family thing. A good chance to treat ourselves less serious. To really embrace the inner child that wants to dress up in a superhero costume and collect a bag full of signed books and crappy merchandise. Oh, did I just say it out loud?

I thoroughly enjoy discovering new works of comic art that I had no idea existed before. It typically involves an awkward conversation with the creator, who, equally awkwardly, responds to similar questions all day long, balancing between the need for recognition by an audience and remaining somewhat distant from it.

A conversation that sparked my utmost respect was one with Declan Shalvey. Declan described his journey to write, draw and ink 'Old Dog', a series of graphic novels, completely on his own, based on a story he was building in his mind for a while. Having studied 'behind the scenes' of some series that I admired (vide Neil Gaiman's 'Sandman'), I had some view of what it might entail. A 8 to 12 months of work was an eye-opening timeframe of one's life to dedicate to a grand idea. Even if not exclusive to that activity only, it requires a dedicated mindshare, and tons of consistency. This is the same dedication and consistency that helps us accomplish great things in every long game.

Well, in addition to this lesson of humbleness, It feels so good to nurture one's geeky side with no remorse!

Of baggage and courage

Are relationships hard work? When are family ties just an expression of positive bond and when they signal inescapable baggage?

Not such controversial statements once one really pauses to reflect on many fictional characters in literature and movies. Let alone looking into a non-fiction of our own lives…

THINK. Sally Rooney’s novels have always stunned me with how authentic the characters have been. From ‘Normal People’ through ‘Conversations with Friends’, everyone felt multi-dimensional, imperfect, driven by ghosts of the past and uncertainties of tomorrow. Utterly real. Humanly flawed and yet beautiful.

‘Intermezzo’ is no different. Complicated brotherly relations, parent bereavement, longing for connection expressed through frantic decisions, self-destructive behaviors and hesitation - expose oneself, speak the truth, ignore shame, or remain frozen in amber of past patterns and external expectations.

As I witness the struggles of both brothers, the lawyer and the chess-master, I am discovering the role of courage. It seems like one of the qualities I have not practiced enough. Courage unlocks opportunities to remain free of fear - of judgment, inaction, guilt. It helps live fuller lives. Carry less regrets.

Spoiler alert: how wonderful to finish with some silver lining!

‘Yellowstone’ series that I started binging over the holiday season speaks to another dimension of relationships - power. Montana-based cowboy ‘Succession’, it tells the story of a family of modern-day ranchers. The story of multi-generational trauma, strain and dog-eat-dog reality of livestock business. While we are faced with its economics and politics, the characters constantly balance on the verge of law and morality. It is fascinating how the audience is challenged to assess where the line has been drawn and would they still identify with main characters.

The most magnetic insights revolve around family relations. Like the boundary between good and evil, I continuously tested my understanding and tolerance levels. Would anything justify blind allegiance? Is following orders as accessory to a crime acceptable if the family best interest is at stake? Is breaking children - like wild colts - part of a parent prerogative, an undisputed entitlement? Finally, are people that mean, seriously?

As I am slowly exploring the story, part of me still believes there will be a silver lining after all.

FEEL. Our baggage got delayed on the flight back home. Not unusual given tight connection time, and not the first time either. It created a stinging sensation of lightness (we just left the airport with small backpacks) but also anxiety. What if the bag never shows up? Will we be able to re-create the contents?

Torn between that lightness and longing, we still felt relieved when the luggage arrived a day later. There was a pair of running shoes I knew I should probably retire already due to excessive mileage, yet it felt so familiar, so mine. It was hard to imagine not bringing them back.

With full conscience, the shoes are now in the bin. Sometimes giving up is more important than embracing novelty.

We all balance between the familiar and the new. It is the courage that makes us ignore initial cuts and bruises of exploring unchartered paths, while self-awareness lets us see the why and the trade offs. We often don’t choose the baggage we carry. But we can always re-pack.

DO. I am on a business flight already. After a well-earned, long passage of slow motion, I am heading into a well-known whirlwind of seemingly important matters. But mostly, I am energized to go back to work relationships with people I truly care about.

New Year is a decent pretext for building new habits. But it is not the habit itself that transforms what we think or how we feel. It is the meaning we pursue and consider worthwhile.

With that in mind, why is the new aspect of my meaning I will be discovering this week?

When is good good enough?

A line in a deeply moving book I am reading right now caught my eye. 'Normality is conformity with dominant culture'. I gather that at some stage, in some dimension, we all must have felt a sting of judgement for staying outside the safe harbour of normality.

But what if we, individual human beings, self-establish a dominant culture of expectations towards our own selves? Are we bound by lines we drew, to the point of self-hatred for crossing them?

THINK. I am exploring the gap between good enough and… Well, how would we even describe it? Great? Perfect? Outstanding? I have recently been called ‚overachiever’ in most friendly, unbiased, benign way. In all honesty, I completely understand why. Walking the talk on that particular front is my challenge indeed.

It all starts with a permission to slow down. Part of the reason I am committed to writing these journals is to create space for self-reflection. Force a moment of stillness. Think before I start racing.

I race on many fronts. Imagine a wardrobe full of superhero costumes. I rush in, put one on, storm out, switch on the mission mode and complete objectives one by one. A cheerful sound my ‚to do’ app makes when I mark an item ‚done’ reminds me of the Pavlov’s dog. Positive reinforcement builds up and here I am, switching into a different costume and running out again.

Why is it so hard to let go? It must have lots to do with our identities. And fear. If I am not this superhero guy, then who am I?

FEEL. Intensity in the life of my family has sky rocketed lately. Unsurprisingly, we all feel quite tired. Tight schedules of the house move, long to-do lists, making plenty of decisions on the go. Even chasing Amazon vans heading to a wrong destination! What we need is stillness and relax. Can one really find it in the midst of the loudest holiday?

Well, yes.

There is a common misconception that feelings simply happen to us and remain beyond our control. Largely, it is true. Our triggers may reside deep in the past, hidden from all rationality. We exhibit cross-generational reactions. Overwhelmed by cultures we reside in, we sometimes fail to notice how to grab control.

To me, such moments happen when I no longer desperately try. On my office commute. Walking the dogs. Noticing something in my environment. Breathing slowly.

DO. Regrettably, ‚experiences over things’ is such a cliche expression already. But this is exactly what I am aiming for. The final week of the year will be filled with re-connections as we travel back to Poland to see friends and family. Such an indispensable part of an immigrant’s journey!

I was recently finishing some housework details, filling minuscule gaps and sealing off the flooring. Notably, there is a space in between our lives, past and now, a crack however small, but still present. We can leave this be, or we can use tools and materials to soften the edges and fill the gap. I remain conscious of it, but not obsessed by it. Home is wherever my favourite people are!

The blur of focus

Alive. Back to routine (or nearly there). 

THINK. Does it ever strike you how there is a constant self-talk going on in your mind? Thankfully, mentioning that one needs to deal with a voice inside one's head no longer carries a stigma and will not result in direct trip to a mental asylum. Well, at least this is what I want to believe in and am comfortable saying.

I noticed the voice vividly while doing a massive amount of physical work lately. Have you ever tried to think in full sentences? Are you able to keep the voice on a single track? Or is it constantly meandering, falling into loops, taking unexpected turns? What if this is an entry ticket to a real (self) discovery?

Another thing that I noticed while covered in paint head to toe was - a working expression - the blur of focus. As restless as I am, I frequently fill the void with exploration and busy-ness. I am finding podcasts a very compelling vehicle of such exploration and learning. It always starts the same, from a range of podcasters and topics I subscribe to, and equally always leads me to some new places. 

But is there such thing as podcast overdose? An immersion so deep that everything becomes blurred? Well, this was my experience while putting hours on end into housework. What it did teach me is to take a moment of silence in between, reflect and memorize the most intriguing discoveries. Moderation, it seems, works everywhere. Digital indigestion is real.

Just in case, my flurry of exploration included: how sports gambling became a multi-billion dollar business, a mini-series on possible addiction in your pocket; bravery of pursuing acting dreams while staying very grounded in family life by an award winning actress Viola Davis; how family stories impact resilience and mental health; what does China economy in 1990s has to do with prices of Dublin real estate; and finally - how it is important to hold ideas loosely, and values tightly.

FEEL. Is there such thing as emotional chatter? One moment, I feel immensely proud. Soon after, completely exhausted. Invincible and vulnerable, all at once. Cloud nine of parenting and straight into worried sick about the children. Feeling accomplished yet reluctant to mention, thin line to bragging.

One thing is for sure - continued emotional and physical stress burns the ozone layer of my patience. Moderation is harder to achieve, views become clouded. The underlying reality is the same, but perception shifts. Be careful to rest after climbing this next summit. 

DO. It is fascinating how there is some balance in life in the long run. I was somewhat puzzled how many of the previous journals were over-rotated on thinking and feeling, while the 'doing' part was mostly work routines, family routines and occasional leisure activity. Now I know! I just needed a project in the most tangible form of physical work.

On one evening, I froze and took this picture. On the outset, just a pile of wooden molding leftovers. What I saw though were also: a series of tries to finesse the product until it is meeting the original idea; inevitability of leftovers; respect to the craft of carpentry; and a closure after a day of hard work. A poetry of random objects and random moments.

Sometimes all it takes it to pause and observe.

Disarming polarization - and how a single question changed the mood

THINK. This week, I gave up trying NOT to think about polarization. Instead, I sought to explore this peculiar phenomenon. Here are a few nuggets that stuck with me.

People are strongly biased to learn from prestigious, in-group, moral and emotional information (research of dr William Brady), PRIME. As such, the learning is efficient as it comes from somebody who is seen as successful and behaviour can be copied; it is aligned with values of the group, and sanctioning moral ground helps sustain the community. So far so good. 

What we are noticing now however are social media algorithms amplifying morally outraging, emotional content from fictitiously prestigious accounts to increase engagement (and keep us on our screens a little longer). As a result, the social learning has an external agent now, whose objectives are situated in a completely different dimension of shareholder value creation. Yet, the impact on beliefs seems to be real.

Morally outraging content is proven to generate greater engagement. A mixture of confirmation bias and guilt (!), it tends to lead to people perceiving deeper than actual divides, up to dehumanizing the opposite side. What is fascinating yet scary, these divides impact the moderates the most, pulling them to sides.

In contrast to the doom and gloom of overpowering social media machine, I found an encouraging example in the work of Story Corp and their One Small Step project. It all starts from a conversation, interview, or a debate. All that needs to be in place is open mind, basic respect, and a dash of curiosity to discover what people on different sides of a divide have in common, rather than what makes their views different. Usually, it comes down to some foundational values and beliefs.

It all sounds so easy, but can you recall a recent situation when you truly wanted to understand THE WHY of the other side, instead of telling them why they are wrong? So powerful once you cross that divide!

FEEL. As social animals, we thrive in communication. I am fascinated by the power of semantics, and how sometimes what we say (and how we say it) turns the emotions in split second. Both ways, by the way.

In my corporate job, I am lucky to be part of the team that enjoys working together, has a lot of respect and kindness for each other. This spirit has been forged over the years but it's ours to keep now. We balance serious conversations with fun, but also look out for signals of emotional strain in one another. We genuinely care.

And this is why magic happens. Friday afternoon is a perfect time to catch up. And let's be very honest - most people could fill such space venting, wearing badge of honour for the most demanding / difficult / stressful assignment in the business, describing all the hardships in vivid detail. And so could we. But that Friday, we decided to change the conversation (well, after a little while of that). A single question unlocked an exhilaratingly positive mood. Single, simple, and powerful. We all left the conversation in much better spirit. Do you want to hear the question?

What was a one positive thing that happened in your life this week?    

DO. My chronotype is 'definitely a morning person'. When I am stressed and overwhelmed, I tend to wake up early and default into "I have so much to do, here is where I start, that is what I do next etc.". While it helps organize life on weekdays, the same mode on the weekends is somewhat draining.

I tried a new technique. Instead of switching on coffee maker, powering on my laptop, and going through my diary for the week and the 'to do' app, I made some jasmine tea and sat down on the sofa with the book I was dying to read. Trying to do that in the evening usually ends with my eyelids getting heavier by the minute. 15 minutes in - tops - my brain waves a white flag.

Not only was I able to focus and enjoy the narrative. It also eased me into the day with lightness and grace. You should try that sometime.

The science of unlearning

I am in a waiting room. Life has hit pause. I can either distract myself with minutiae of the moment, or use my (geek) power to slow down and reflect. Explore.

THINK. Have you heard the story of a young monk who, in search of wisdom, climbed to a top of a mountain to meet an elderly guru? And all that he heard from the guru was either everything he already knew, or some thoughtful questions but no real answers? Isn't the wisdom at a top of a mountain what we already brought with us? Aren't questions simply a set of signposts to a destination within?

I grew up believing that moments of peace and lukewarm satisfaction are just intervals between the inevitable doom of misfortune and oppression. That I am there on my own, lonely, somewhat powerless. That things happen to me. That other cannot simply be trusted. 

It was a long journey to even understand how such mindset triggered how I felt, and my ability to perform. Even longer journey to start changing the engraved behaviours and self-perceptions. Rewiring and rewriting feels like cycling uphill and against the strong wind. You want to get off the bike and lie down the ground. But when one gets across the top, the euphoria is overflowing. At least until we get to the bottom of another hill. While there is never a shortage of climbs on your route, the muscle memory builds up.

Sometimes learning is simply unlearning. 

FEEL. I feel somewhat anxious. I am heading into a couple of days of annual leave. I have been working harder than usual in the last few months and I can feel how the fatigue has crept in and settled. It feels completely appropriate to take a few days off, let alone the silliness of losing the days at the break of the year. And yet, the crisis of abundance dilemma hits me hard.

If there is one freedom I must have forfeited, it is the freedom of wasting time without guilt. We all craft self-stories. We reinforce and repeat parts of it, try some personas on, blur the lines between the original and the invention. Gradually becoming a somewhat different character. Apparently, part of my self-myth is built on restlessness.

It strikes me how this is another area to unlearn!

I am looking at the photo taken on a weekend evening. In a comfort of a family couch, we are all watching an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory'. We laugh, comment, interpret situations. Relate to the characters. At the same time Spike, one of our dogs, has made himself visibly comfortable on an armchair. He is observing us. Giving us his undivided attention. Suddenly, we feel like a centre of his universe. It is so easy to miss these moments!

Paying attention pays off.

DO. I feel I am in many waiting rooms, a lot of the time. Right now, I am cheering for my twelve-year-old son in his second ever Pokémon Card Game tournament. Crowded room full of alike geeks.

I am certain we will be up against some difficult emotions. For starters, every single player is at least twice his age. Everyone seems very versed in tricks, techniques, and general Pokémon lore. This is a classic David and Goliath tale. My David has his backpack, a deck of cards, bottle of water and a Pokémon t-shirt.

And then I start noticing. He is not afraid to start the conversation with an opponent. He is curious. As much as he gets frustrated with a few initial lost battles, he discharges negative load, strives to regain composure, and comes back to play another round. I am his coach on the side, but I have little clue about moves, abilities, supporters, or evolutions. I am there to tell him I believe in him.

Sometimes this is all a person needs.

The unobvious charm of unfinished chapters

I used to be a person who must finish one book before starting another. A movie magazine read from page 1 to 100. A TV show watched from season 1 to however much was broadcast. Not anymore. What happened?

THINK. Before anyone says it - this is not the byproduct of attention consumed by multiple technology streams invading our minds, dozens a minute. Neither is it lack of commitment to see things through. Could this be a simple self-permission to choose, mix, meander and pick up where I left off? More trust in my own ability to spot, extract and carry the important elements?

Did the journey finally begun to matter more than the destination?

I am sat in my lounge room. Sunday evening, all errands checked off, dishes done after early dinner, weather outside... well, skip to the next point. Music is on. The bliss of one of my favourite bands, Tool, played from a vinyl record. The record is a treasure itself, a thoughtful birthday gift from my wife. 10 tracks in 86 minutes, most exceed 10-minute run time. Why does it even matter?

To me, this is a parabola (pun intended!) of a discovery journey. It starts somewhere, goes in loops, comes back to previously explored sounds, slows down, changes pace and tone, goes quiet and restarts. Each note has its place, but it’s the mind of the listener that builds the trail. Aggressive, lyrical, humming, full of rhythm - it contains all the ingredients to overwhelm. I am only adding the magic dust of purpose and attention.  

Suddenly, it hits me. Life is a record shop. We can sit quietly in the corner and listen to the same tune all the time. We can frantically swap vinyl discs, in search of something that ideally matches our mood at the moment, even at the risk of sensual indigestion. We can take small steps to explore the closest adjacent genre or take huge leaps into complete novelty. Or we can listen to the same record again, rich and deep, discovering layers we have not noticed before. We get to decide.

FEEL. If there is one area full of unfinished chapters, it is the life of a parent. Ever since they are born, we are constantly browsing pages of handbooks, editing stories, making plans for the entire saga... while being anxious what the next page would bring. We start as narrators and over time, we hope and cheer that they take over as directors and main actors of their lives. If your life was the book, and you were an author, how would you like you story to go?   

The best moment of my week came very casually, this morning. Confused by daylight savings clock change, allegedly sleeping an hour longer, we made a spontaneous decision to go out for breakfast. Somewhat tired of everyday routines, we wanted to sit, enjoy food, and share a moment as a family. It ended up in a thousand laughs, discussing travel plans for next summer, Lord of the Ring memes, and definitely getting too much dessert!

Sometimes it is that simple. Every unfinished chapter has its time.

DO. That all being said, so much to do! Work is busy as ever, a pile of books to read gets taller every week, I still have written zero of four chapters of the role-playing game adventure that I kept inventing and improvising for my friends since August. The NBA season have started, and I have not watched a single clip yet. 

I was recently thinking a lot about my friendships. A life of an immigrant is peculiar that way. New networks are just being formed, and strength of old networks is heavily tested. While we may think social media and constant messaging are filling all gaps, the true secret lies in quality. Which is why I have a habit of video calling people to check in on them. 

I may not speak with some friends for a while, but the seeing their faces, being there through the awkward narrating through the recent events, allowing time to get to deeper thoughts and feelings, reinforces the bond despite the distance. It truly feels like opening the book halfway through a chapter and simply reading on.

In search of what's real... and a can of anti-addiction spray!

'If you don't make time to read, you don't make time to learn'. No better sentence to trigger somebody who considers himself a lifelong learner!

THINK. 'Ubik', a novel by Philip K. Dick, was written in 1969. I read it first in 1999. With the world at the brink of a new Millennium, and the mood compounded by arrival of 'The Matrix', posing questions of what is even real, the book made a lasting impression. I wrote my literature exam research paper on it (wish I could find it now!) and spent countless hours wondering if and when such future would emerge.

25 years later, many of the themes appear strikingly relevant. The story in the book puts readers at unease of not knowing if main characters (spoiler alert!) are even alive! Technology, seemingly indistinguishable from magic, creates the layer of half-life, where humans can continue to exist for decades while their bodies no longer function. What starts as a detective noir story of a corporate sabotage, turns into a journey through time, space, and spheres of reality. In search for meaning and truth, Joe Chip must question everything and everyone. Ubik, the ultimate, ubiquitous substance, concealed in a can of spray, is able to prevent erosion and decay. When the entire landscape is shifting in multiple dimensions, humans are looking for stability, or its illusion.

I am utterly fascinated by the self-inflicted struggle to stay sane in the wake of technology inventions we have been creating nearly from the dawn of time. Half-jokingly, each advancement creates a similar amount of adversity, that can only be overcome by further progress. We only move forward. In Dick's book, Jory, a malicious tenant of the half-life layer, feeds off energy of its captives, producing a version of reality to manipulate them into behaving the way that best supports his objectives. Sounds familiar?

'We are presented with a virtual world powered, literally, by the incineration of the real', says one of the characters of 'Bee Sting', a book released over 50 years later.

FEEL. Difficult conversations with your favourite little people are... well, difficult. I wish a life of a parent was exclusively this ideal string of positive, memorable moments. But it is also not as dire as Dickie (!), the father in 'Bee Sting' reflects - ever since they are born, your life becomes filled with a constant fear of them being annihilated the moment you look away. It’s not that bad. Probably something in between.

We watched 'Social Dilemma' as a family. With some snacks to soften the blow, our aim was to expose our teen and tween to somewhat striking truth about mechanisms of social media, and in particular how the computing power and algorithms are now able to know us better than we know ourselves. And how it can be used to trigger changes in our behaviour and life choices. In the real world.

'The Devil's deepest wile is to persuade us that he does not exist'. This quote, attributed to Charles Baudelaire, a 19th century poet, has been used numerously by contemporary culture. For absolute clarity, mine is not a one-sided critique. The benefits of social media are undeniable. But one also must acknowledge the addictive power of virtual world. Many of us think we are resilient, not susceptible to dopamine hits economy. It all happens to others.

I have been there, so I know. I was in a long recovery from illness a few years ago. Video games was one of the ways to endure stress, while retaining (an illusion of) activity. I got completely captured by one of these, a very popular online multiplayer sports game. Its engine is constructed in a way the progress, wins and advancement in rankings are predominantly a linear function of time spent in the game and following daily challenges. I could see me sliding into the trap, I understood how the mechanism worked, and yet I found it very difficult to stop. I cheated on a game timer I was setting. I was finding reasons to sit in front of it for hours. I could feel it changing how I felt.

Thankfully, I found enough willpower to quit. An adult, a family man, sucked by the dopamine machine. Happens to the best of us. That said, we have an obligation to protect younger generations, as they face multiple versions of Jory, the malicious citizen of half-life, 

DO. I am finding it difficult to concentrate as I am finishing the journal for the week. This time, the reason is mundane: my daughter and two of her friends are apparently having a full-voice karaoke session in her room. Has finding an inner voice simply become more difficult, given all the distractions? 

I wish there was a can of spray I could use!

Endurance, capacity for greatness and... boredom

Why are promises to oneself easier to break? 

THINK. 'Every action has an equal opposite reaction'. Newton's Third Law made it to 'Hamilton', a contemporary musical about the beginnings of America as we know it today. Yes, we saw it too and understandably, it was nothing short of phenomenal. Only a great creative mind can rap the history of American Independence into songs and dance routines that remain as earworms. 

The opposite reaction I am contemplating has a different origin though. It struck me how often our most pronounced strengths, qualities that let us overachieve and differentiate above and beyond others, are also becoming our inseparable burden. In my case, I think, it is capacity for discomfort, otherwise known as resilience.

It must be no coincidence that my sport activities gradually evolved into long distance running and road cycling. The internet is full of (anti)inspirational quotes describing pain and suffering that are intrinsically linked to high performance in these disciplines. Yet, these are somehow irresistible too. Partially self inflicted, they respond to innermost desires to earn your place.

FEEL. Capacity for discomfort must be somewhat linked to capacity for greatness, and vice versa. When work, race, relationship, or learning becomes hard, to the point of breaking, it is when we must mobilize to endure. It is crucial though to understand the course must be corrected once we cross the top of the climb, otherwise even the greatest capacity will run out of fuel. Best if you have a coach on your side who can help you notice. That coach is most often somebody who truly loves you.

Unsurprisingly, the embroidery of our inner patterns is hard to eradicate. Built over the span of our lives, weaved into all the accomplishments, it becomes inseparable and turns into yet another lynchpin of identity. We might be worried that stripping out the capacity for suffering would undermine capacity for winning. We are often afraid to see what is left when this is gone.

DO. Not a fan on New Year's resolutions, there is never a better day to start changing things than TODAY. Patterns transform slow. Often, rather than trying to change the sea waves, one is better off finding a right vessel to cut through it and reach safety of a shore. What is my vessel of the week then?

Boredom.

Healing takes many forms. Slowing down is never easy when one is used to be non-stop. A Hamilton line rings in my head: 'How do you write like you're running out of time?' How do you write like tomorrow won't arrive?'.

Well, sometimes, you just don't. You let the boredom in and empty the stage.