Story arcs
Have you ever wondered how is one’s self-narrative about their lives different from what truly happens? We are stepping into a slippery territory of what reality even is, I know, but bear with me for a few moments.
Is the question not ‘if’, but ‘how big’ the gap is? And more importantly, why it exists and what it leads to?
THINK. Each of us is a hero of our own story. Psychology researcher Dan McAdams studied personal life arcs and its impact on not only subjective perception of well- (or not-so-well) being, but also on actual life accomplishments. Are we more prone to fail if the story arc engraved in our persona leans towards inevitability of a negative nemesis? ‘Don’t be too happy, it is only a matter of time before a bad thing happens’. Have you even met somebody with such arc of doom? I certainly had.
Conversely, others star in their near-cinematics arcs of redemption. Weathering storms, finding silver linings, getting out of the woods, beating the odds – just notice how rich in such expressions is our common talk. Is the person spreading infectious optimism more likely to end up with a more positive outcome? Or will they be happier to perceive it as positive?
Personal arcs are a byproduct of complex ‘factory settings’ – the home, country, social layer we grew in applied on top our genetics – later continuously transformed and adjusted by our life circumstances. As such, these are not predetermined. Likewise, there is possibly a range of possible deviation and reauthoring.
Here is an example of how It might feel.
FEEL. Thursday 24th September turned out to be a fabulous day. I was asked to be a speaker during a CFO keynote panel at Dublin’s ‘World Finance Forum’. Somewhat humbled, but also conscious that I already carry ‘a lifetime of content’ (copyright is my wife’s!), I agreed to share my thoughts and experiences. Well. Writing is easy. Easier. At least for me. Decidedly easier than getting on stage, all miked-up and seemingly relaxed, debating professional topics in a room so full of people that some of them needed to stand.
My silver linings were many. First, the ‘lifetime of content’ claim is real. I truly have experienced a lot in my professional career so far. The company I work for nearly two decades, Dell Technologies, has both been at the forefront of the industry that moves humanity forward, but also has offered me plenty of opportunities to explore, shape and transform finance and operations. Second, we connected well with our moderator and co-panelists. We are facing similar challenges, share views and found ways to complement each other’s thoughts.
Thirdly, I am a storyteller at heart. I believe stories are the way to relate to people and make a lasting impact. This is what I am spending a lot of my waking hours on – telling stories to my stakeholders, teams or customers. I tell stories to my friends when we play tabletop role playing games – aiming for elaborate, thrilling, memorable experience. My family members occasionally enjoy one or two, but we are dangerously close to ‘dad jokes’ territory so let’s finish here. Stories simply move the audience.
Finally, I used a few techniques to calm my stage fright, generously shared by a thoughtful, experience coach I was recently working with. It is fascinating and scary how one can get suddenly overwhelmed while stepping into the spotlight. It is also very encouraging that practice, minding the signals and rehearsing the reactions can soothe these inescapable pains of public speaking.
In the end, I spent entire day talking to people, most of whom I have not met before. I felt palpable, positive energy of connection and shared interests. My hero story for the day was an arc from nearly nervously choking before I uttered the first sentence, to rushing home a few feet above the ground, with a few new issues of comic books grabbed for my son.
Everyone needs a feel-good episode, a lot of the time. Mine started with double rainbow arcs that day.
DO. Laughter is a powerful medicine.
I was recently lucky to sit in the audience and enjoy Colm O’Regan’s storytelling skills. While many puns struck a chord, one landed right between the eyes. Jokingly of course, Colm spoke about how our society, expressed by social- and popular media, is seemingly giving men our age only two interesting life choices: have an affair or train for triathlon!
For the record, I am considering neither.
What I am doing however is investing energy and thought into one of my passions, role playing games. For those less immersed, 90%+ of what one needs to play is imagination, a group of like-minded people and possibly some rulebook to outline the basics. The rest is creativity and thinking on one’s feet.
In the previous issue I was reflecting on the unanswered callings bleeding into our jobs. This week I am intensely contemplating how to spread this passion of mine to create unique memories for my close friends. Through one story at a time.
Who knows where would this arc finish?
